The Ohhh…

I always love when I get the “ohhh…”  It is the reaction that a lot people involuntarily give when they find out your child (or children) are autistic.  Sometimes it might be at a restaurant when my 2-year old is upset that the sugar packets don’t line up perfectly.  He throws a tantrum and a well-meaning (aren’t they always) stranger offers some advice on tantrums or tries to distract him.  I bite my tongue on what I want to say (some version of “Butt the heck out of this, sit back down, and leave us alone.)  Instead I blurt out, “He’s autistic.”  There comes the “ohhh…”  They then smile politely and walk away.

I have even gotten the “ohhh…” from the therapists that come to help TL (my youngest).  They would ask about TL and our family.  I would give some background and then drop on them that my older son is also autistic (“ohhh…”) and that my husband’s brother is also autistic (double “ohhh…”).

Of course, I have been open about my boys being autistic for a long time.  I’ll admit it was hard sharing the truth first few years with TJ (my oldest).  It took a little while to accept things and get settled with admitting it to ourselves.  After awhile, I realized that I had nothing to hide.  Hiding his diagnosis meant I was ashamed and I definitely was not.  When TJ started getting therapy at 22 months, he could not talk, was violent, could not smile, and could not stand other people.  Anyone who knows him now, knows he is nothing like that anymore.  He is a bright 5th grader who has given a lecturer on the history of LEGOS at a GATE conference at U.C. Santa Cruz.  He has friends.  He might be a little quirky, but he looks pretty “normal.”  He is nothing to be ashamed of.

Neither is TL.  He may throw tantrums in supermarkets (today) or restaurants (yesterday) or at home (most likely tomorrow), but he is progressing.  He is adding words to his vocabulary and learning the words for his body parts.  Ashamed?  No way.

To me, autism is a part of what makes them who they are.  Without it, they would be whole other people…strangers even.  I don’t brag that they are autistic, but I don’t hide it either.  I have found that so many misunderstanding can be cleared up by just admitting to someone that your child is autistic.  Teachers/coaches/childcare providers who thought your child was just misbehaving or not paying attention will have a better understanding of who your child is and what they need.

But baring your soul about your child being autistic is not for everyone.  You may not be ready yet.  You could still be in denial.  You might believe that telling everyone will make your child look different to people.  These are all valid positions.  But if you do choose to tell someone, just know that getting the “ohhh…” is not the end of the world.  At the very least, it gets the annoying, well-intentioned stranger out of your face!