Hitting Below the Belt

What do you do when you find out your child was beaten up at school?  Panic?  Get angry?  Cry?  Hug your child?  Pray? I did all these things a few weeks back  when I found out my older son was beaten up in middle school—not once, but twice—on a Friday.

I had been running late that day because of a meeting with SARC.  I was trying to get services for TJ, but they were gently letting me know he was too high-functioning for their programs.  I was late coming from that meeting, which made me late to pick up TL from his preschool.  That, of course, made me late to pick up TJ from school. 

I rushed over to the middle school and he hopped into the car.  I began my usual questions about his day, when he interrupts me, “Mom, I got to tell you about some bullying that happened today.  I was beat up in the bathroom…and in PE.”

It was like I was punched in the gut and the air was stolen out of my lungs.  I hyperventilated—I rarely hyperventilate.  I called my husband in a panic.  What do we do?  Why did this happen?  What was done about it?  Why weren’t we called?  Why did it happen twice?  How do I get these answers????

I gained some composure and circled back to the school (yes, I was driving during this panic attack, something I don’t recommend).  I marched to the office and bristled when a boy running with the track team said hi to TJ.  Was he one of the bullies?  No, TJ assured me. 

Still breathless, I swung open the door of the office and stated that my son was beat up.  I wanted answers.  The school receptionist immediately radioed the Assistant Principal of Discipline.  He came down and took us into his office.

I just got to say that it was only by the hand of God that TL behaved in that office.  There were so many temptations for him, but he was able to control himself while I spoke with the AP. 

The AP was very understanding of my point of view and revealed that he was bullied as a child in middle school and that he had a child on the spectrum.  He told me that both boys involved in the attacks were suspended for one day and that they would be expelled if they bothered him again. 

Apparently, these boys had been teasing TJ in PE class for a few days.  They said he was too short.  That’s a reason to beat another kid up?  Really? 

I guess it came to a head on Friday after they swam in PE class.  TJ had just finished showering and the two boys came up (we’ll call them Boy D and Boy S) and started pushing him.  They kicked him and called him names. Boy D was the ringleader and Boy S followed along.  Another student came up and told them to stop.  Where was the PE teacher?  On the other side of the locker room turning on those showers. 

TJ got changed and went to his next class.  Like a typical bullied child, he was too afraid to tell.  If only he had told….the next attack was much more vicious and scary. 

At lunch, TJ went to the restroom nearby.  He entered and saw Boy D there.  TJ didn’t have the response I would have had:  run away and use the restroom later.  Instead, TJ continued into the bathroom and went about his business.  When he was about to leave, Boy D cornered him.

“You bitch!” he growled as he slugged TJ.  “That hurt,” TJ stated.  Then Boy D proceeded to punch him more, push him to the ground, making him hit his head.  He kicked him and hit him over and over again.  He only stopped because a group of 8th graders came in and yelled at him.  Not so tough now, huh?  I am so thankful for those 8th graders.  Who knows how long this would have gone on if they didn’t come in? 

TJ’s close friend came in and helped TJ walk out of the bathroom.  Crying, his classmates comforted him and asked if he needed anything.  TJ didn’t want anything.  He just wanted to forget this all happened and finish his lunch.

After he ate, he went to his next class and pretended everything was normal.  But it wasn’t.  And the other kids knew that.  Some of the kids reported what happened to the AP.  TJ was called out of 5th period to speak to the Principal and the AP.  He told them everything.  Well, mostly everything (he left out the part where his head was hit). 

During my meeting with the AP, the Principal came bursting in.  My husband was on the phone—steaming mad.  Oh, boy.  He doesn’t get mad often, but when he does—just think pit bull fighting for a juicy steak.  I spoke with him in hopes to calm him, but there was no talking him down at that moment.  His son was beat up and he was trapped at work. 

After talking to him and assuring him I was handling things, I finished the meeting with the AP.  He did offer to switch TJ’s PE class, but I wondered if that would really help.  He has three classes with Boy S and Boy D cornered him at lunch.  I let the AP know that homeschooling was an option we were considering.  At least I could keep him safe there.

After all was said in done, I walked back to the car with a very tired toddler and an overly happy preteen.  It was then that I started noticing that TJ was too “okay” with everything.  I knew the other shoe was going to drop.  It was just a matter of time.

I went and picked up my husband from work and we took TJ to the emergency room to be checked out.  There were no visible bruises, but I was worried about the blow to the head.  He was also punched in the ear.  He had ear surgery in late August to remove his ear tubes, so I was worried about the hit having any affect on the healing.  Of course, another great reason to go to the ER was documentation of the attack. 

That weekend was tense.  We had countless conversations about the exact details (everything comes out in trickles with TJ).  We discussed why it was important to tell an adult.  We looked up resources on bullying and were surprised to learn that October is Bullying Awareness Month.  Great timing (she says sarcastically).  Of course, this was a good thing, though.  It meant there was so much info on the web and in the news.

TJ struggled all weekend with his emotions and finally broke on Monday after school.  He acknowledged all the feelings and hurt.  He was scared to go to school on Tuesday, since the boys were going to be back. 

Thankfully, God led us to sign TJ up for a free life skills class weeks ago called M-Power.  That Monday was the second monthly meeting and the topic focused on “Self Talk.”  I let his leader know what happened and she was very grateful for the information.  When we picked him up, she told me that he shared his experience.  He told the group about the beatings.  He did it in his typical a-matter-a-fact way, but he did it!  It was the first step in a long road. 

He has since his private psychologist and we have purchased a bullying book aimed at preteens and teens to go over with him.  There have been no reoccurrences, but I still worry.  I jump out of my skin every time I get a call from the school during the day.  I am scared to hear the answer to “how was your day?”  I pray that one day I will be able feel that he is safe at school.  Until then, I pray that he is able to heal from these horrible attacks.